Defiance
by MadWindHunter
Summary: Jasper fights - it's all she knows. One-shot.


**Author's note:** Sooo, here's my first fanfiction. I must warn you, english is not my first language, so there are be some mistakes, probably, and I'll be really glad if you could tell me about them so I can improve myself. Okay, now with this out of the way, the story. I believe that Jasper is a forced fusion, so I was thinking about how her mind would be slowly coming apart while fused with Lapis. And then I wrote this. Oh, and Steven Universe belongs to our dear Cinnamon Roll - the Sugar Women and her squad. And I'm not part of her squad.

* * *

It's impossible to know how long she's been here, for there is no sunlight - no moonlight either - to signalize passing days. She missed stars, roads with solid ground – not this wet mud, and as much as she hated to admit it, she longed to feel the warmth of sun on her skin. But the only thing she felt was coldness of water. At first it was impossible to ignore, her body in pain from sudden change of temperature, she felt as if her fingers - and later arms – where slowly dying, and yet she still could move them, but barely. Such a merciless and fascinating element, capable of leaving her butchered yet without any visible wounds. Now she got used to her dead limbs, hair that she didn't feel anymore, frigid cuffs cutting into her skin and chains constantly pulling her down.

But sometimes Lapis would lose concentration, sometimes the force behind her chains was weak enough to give her a chance to resurface. It rarely worked, but when it did she could feel the sweet taste of victory. Now when Jasper was thinking about it that was the only thing she gained. She could take a few breaths, yes, but not without chocking on all that water first, which took most of her time on the surface. When water was no longer surrounding her – no, possessing - her whole body would erupt in pain, every part of it bursting suddenly with life – only to be submerged again, repeating the nightmare of existing.

Then why was she still fighting? She was asking herself that question for who knows how long. Her head was filled with thoughts and whispers she didn't wanted to hear – like her mind was shattering – all of them strangely alien, yet surely hers. The longer she was here, the stronger and louder they grew.

 _Is that what you wanted when thought about fusing?_

 _It's your fault and you deserve it._

 _It's moving like a wheel: you fight, you get your scraps of triumph just to be pulled back into your hole. Why do even bother struggling?_

 _No one is coming to save you. You are just an old, forgotten veteran of an old, forgotten war._

 _Outside of this fusion you are nothing._

Sometimes, one voice would sneak into her head and it would tower above all whispers – the voice she couldn't possibly know, yet it was much too familiar. The voice of Malachite herself.

 _JUST GIVE UP!_

No matter how unstable their fusion was, Malachite existed. She was the personification of their anger and distrust, and she struggled to devour personalities of the two gems that created her. Jasper and Lapis where both fighting the same enemy, while also fighting each other.

Jasper yanked her chains, trying to swim upwards. She will prove them that they can't broke her.

The Earth looked promising: a fine place for Gem settlements. Just give it some time and it will proudly represent greatness of Gem-kind. After the Rebellion ends, that is.

Her division came to that valley with plans to raid a half-destroyed mountain retreat where the rebels made their camp. The retreat itself wasn't important, but many rebels were seeking refuge there so Homeworld's generals decided to send there just a band of rookies. They were preparing to strike from a forest and run straight through a wide river - the bridge was destroyed – to the retreat on the other side of the valley. Good thing that the rebels were outnumbered.

Jasper's place was in the third line, since she was rather small. Yet she was standing in front lines after swapping places with a young, frighten gem after she learned that the rebels had a Light Cannon. Even though Jasper was a simple pikegem, she was one of the few soldiers in that division with any military experience. Her mind was filled with memories of crushed comrades and smoke-filled battlefields. She was standing proud, clenching a spear with Homeworld's banner, ready to avenge them or die trying.

Sounds of horns filled the valley and five lines of soldiers charged, screaming and roaring battle-cries like one mighty beast. The hardest part started when they got to the river, water shoulder-deep. As they were floundering, before them on the far end of the valley they could see the silhouettes of rebels hiding within the ruins. The Soldiers thought they were safe, thanks to the rain of arrows from theirs archer's bows, but they paled once they saw the Light Cannon, at the left side of the battlefield, glowing like a star. Everyone, including Jasper, started hiding in water when the cannon fired. They resurfaced and charged without any formation, rising their shields with hope as the cannon fired again. This time it wiped the whole front line – Jasper survived only by rolling into a small crater. She laid there what seemed like eternity, covered by mud, with pure luck avoiding enemy's arrows, but she finally got up and run hunched to her comrades. Most of them where retreating, seeing how they can't get through because of the cannon, while the rest was hiding in shallow trenches. She jumped into one while evading arrows from both sides. To her horror, Homeworld's archers stopped shooting the rebels and focused on their own retreating soldiers. Through all this madness, there was the voice of their captain shouting through a speaking-trumpet.

"ANYONE RETREATING WILL BE DEALT WITH LIKE A TRAITOR! CHARGE IN THE NAME OF THE DIAMONDS! TO GLORY!"

No one knew what to do next and Jasper couldn't stand it. They were just sitting there, waiting for coward's death. This wasn't what Homeworld army looked like. If she was meant to die in this battle, so be it. She took her spear and sneaked east, away from the heart of battlefield. She could now see the cannon clearly, behind a small wall, guarded by five gems. She sneaked as close as she could to them without being noticed. Then she summoned her helmet and charged, yellow aura forming around her. When they saw her one of the rebels aimed at her with the cannon, but she jumped the moment it fired. There was no battle cries escaping her throat, just sheer passion blazing in her eyes when she fell at them with full power of her charge and swung her spear, piercing two rebels at once, while force of the attack knocked off the rest. With vicious roar she stuck her spear into the ground before the bodies disappeared, so her fellow soldiers saw as they poof against the banner of Homeworld. As she was fighting the other three rebels, her army charged again with archers at their backs. A lot of them fell since most of rebels where armed with bows, but Jasper gave them their much needed time. With her helmet and a one-handed axe in each hand she took down two of her opponents, and as she was ready to turn around to face her last enemy, she felt cold steel piercing her chest. Vision blurred, breaths became shallow as she looked down to see a short, simple blade, but before she could turn around to see its owner her body turned to smoke.

"Battles of Silent Retreat and Crimson Fields won by Homeworld! Nothing stands in our way!"

"Homeworld proves weakness of rebels! First generation of Kindergarten's soldiers claims their first victories!"

"Unstoppable army of Homeworld! The Defiance will soon be over!"

"Woe to the conquered!"

Every battle, the pain and suffering, all of that for nothing. No matter how many small victories she'll achieve, how many sacrifices she'll make it will all lead her to failure and despair. She was ready to fuse – to throw away the most fundamental of her believes - for the greater good, for triumph of her homeland.

 _That's why fusion is forbidden! In your arrogance you brought them more trouble!_

 _When they will learn about what you did, you'll be a traitor in their eyes._

 _You can continue struggling, but they won't appreciate it. What is your cause now?_

 _There is none._

 _I'm a soldier without a cause._

The pressure on her chains grew stronger, but she refused to give in. But why? Why was she still rebelling?

She realized now how desperate she was. She was willing to rebel for sheer rebellion.

The pressure on her chains grew stronger, and again she refused to give in.


End file.
